Finally hit me after a conversation with my sister a couple days ago that it was time to start saying "No" to a couple of my engagements during the week. 

I have been feeling like a strung out mother who run's around a lot, but wonders what I really do accomplish.

I am saying No to a few things so I can say yes to reading stories with this girl. Yes to going on walks with both my girls, and yes to a movie on the weekends with my husband. 

 

Justin and Ruth Blazzard

Not Your's

I bought this exersaucer for J last week. Natalie was pretty jealous the first day and repeatedly trys to climb in it. Once she gets in it she gets stuck, bored and just wants out. Yet, she continues over and over to get in it. I repeatedly tell her, "That is not your's why are you playing with it?" Then it struck me one day, I am often like this silly toddler.

A bit of a motherhood metaphor.

This toy is actually a little advanced for Jenna. Something she can handle right now, but will need to grow into over time. Natalie had many toys, suited for her and ones that encourage her development. Yet all she can do is look at this toy, see that it must be cool because it is what J is doing, maybe get a little jealous, and is sure that she would enjoy it as well. Yet when she gets into it she soon discovers that it is not what she wants at all.

How often do I do that as a grown human being? I know that this life I have with all of its ups and downs, twists and turns, and stages is designed perfectly for me and for my growth.

Yet, so many times I get disgruntled, bored, or think others have a more perfect fit or cooler things than I do. I get jealous and sometimes even distracted from getting the most joy out of my life because I compare my situations to others and where they are at and think I need to be doing what they are doing.

When in reality our Heavenly Father probably looks at me like I did Natalie and thinks, Why? Why would you want that, when I have given you exactly what you need to be happy and grow.

The only thing I get by comparing, envying and trying to be like others is less joy, contentment, and peace. I will try to remember this as I continue to move forward in life to not compare or envy. I have what I need and I need to love it now, because I won't ever be in this same stage of life again.



Justin and Ruth Blazzard

4 Months

 This little girl was 4 months old on Monday. I am so happy and sad at the same time. I feel that motherhood is full of these directly conflicting feelings. You love these little babies with your whole heart, but are so exhausted at the same time that all you want to do is squeeze them and play with them, but you also just want them to go to sleep. Or in her case I am so happy she is growing, doing well and not as dependent as she once was, but oh how I miss the tiny, sweet, delicateness of the newborns. I just try to enjoy and soak each stage in as much as I can and accept that it is ok to have both feelings at the same time.

J is a big baby. We go to the doctor tomorrow and will find out just how big she is.  (Update she was 16 lbs. 14 oz, and in the 99% for height and 93% for her head) She currently wears 6-9 month clothes. She is still nursing. I feel like this is a huge accomplishment for both of us. Natalie weaned herself about this age because I had a low milk supply and J had to use a shield for the first 8 weeks. Because of my history and for the first little while with J, I was worried we weren't going to make it, but perseverance has paid off along with herbal supplements, and focusing on where I am at in life has helped us make it this far. I hope to continue for a year.

 J loves dad, Natalie, but mostly mom. She is really working on trying to pull herself up to a sitting position. She hasn't been able to roll over yet, mostly due I believe to her being such a big girl. She is very smart and still ceases to amaze me with her ability to communicate her needs and wants along with understanding what we are saying. She does pretty well with others holding her until she gets tired. Then she is DONE! She is always ready for bed every night by 7 p.m. if not earlier. She still loves her bath's and is pretty wild in the water with kicking and splashing around.

 She still wakes up to eat at night, but goes right back to sleep. Sometime is she wakes up at 4 a.m. and needs her diaper changed, she gets confused and thinks it is wakeup time for the whole day. This has only happened a handful or less of times, but very frustrating when it does. She has had a few nights where she has slept 6 hour stretches. These are wonderful, but rare.

 She has the best smile and loves to laugh and talk. She is not a huge fan of tummy time but tolerates it. Her favorite thing is to lay under her play mat and try to grab the dangling animals. She is also into grabbing your arm when you change her diaper.

 One unique thing about her that we have been struggling with is her head shape. J was born with torticollis and would constantly end up lying with her head one way every time she was laid down. Not being aware of how severe this was and having a hard time healing myself/nursing/not sleeping/ adjusting to having two children/ being Primary President, I didn't take the proper preventative measures for J's head. Thus a pretty severe flat spot developed on her right side. We have been working the last couple of months diligently on getting her up off her head, positioning her on the opposite side at night and during naps, ordering and using a very expensive medical supply baby pillow to relieve the pressure, and seeing a chiropractor twice a week for the last five weeks for craniosachral therapy. While all of it has helped some, I don't know if it will be enough to prevent the helmet. Tomorrow we will see what her pediatrician says and then reevaluate from there.

If she has to wear it, I will be a little sad and feel bad for her, but truly it is such a minor thing compared to what many deal with. I am grateful that there is medical technology out there to help us correct this minor bump in her development path. It has been very stressful for me for the last two months worrying, researching, positioning her, thinking about it, looking at it and praying about it. I am ready to hear from the doctor what we do now.

 

It is going to be so interesting to see J's personality continue to emerge. She seems to know what she wants out of life already. I love this sweet dark haired baby and am so grateful everyday even at 2:30 in the morning that she is mine. She is incredible and perfect. Here's to 4 months with her and many more to come!

Justin and Ruth Blazzard

Wrapping Up October

The last few days of October were insanely busy for us. We squeezed in a couple different Halloween parties. Playing with friends, feeding the missionaries, and the weekly church preparations.

 J is doing so well with sitting up in her bumbo. She is very patient while I do my hair in the morning.

 A rare morning where we were home and were able to go on a walk together. It was WONDERFUL! I was able to do this so much more when it was just Natalie and I. But now it seems we have somewhere to be almost every morning.

 Natalie

 Natalie checking out the Target Toy Catalog. She has loved it and is very excited for Santa Claus this year. She would say, "I want this one."

 Blurry picture, but she is happy! Working on her core muscles. Usually she isn't such a fan. 

This little girl has been telling people all month that she was going to be Cinderella for Halloween. Well, she thought she would just wear a church dress to accomplish this. When I surprised her before her nap on Friday with this dress and the 'glass' slippers, she became to excited to sleep.

It was such a joy to see her glow all evening as she put her dress on and proudly wore it all over the church or her "ball" that night. Her shoes were too big, but she loved tromping around in them.

 

 This picture displays how excited she was. She insisted on sleeping with the dress and her shoes in the bed with her. I was so glad I spent a little more than I was planning on for this Halloween costume. She truly had two magical nights. Even though on Halloween she had to wear tennis shoes to go trick- or-treating in because of the rain. She actually had a major melt down over this because clearly a princess does not wear tennis shoes with her gown. We compromised and she carried the shoes in her candy bag and then put them on at our friend's party.

She was spoiled by several of her adult friends with large bags of candy and a giant Hershey's chocolate bar. I guess Justin and I were spoiled too. :)

 Lastly, J got this today so she can practice holding herself up and get up off the back of her head. She did pretty well in it. I was happy to get a good deal on it. I can't believe she will be four months soon. I am so happy I have made it this far with breast feeding her. At this point with Natalie I was starting to have problems with low milk supply and her preferring a bottle over me. Jenna is still doing wonderful and I hope to continue until she is one year old. 

We learned a lot over this last week. We need to say no more, and go to bed earlier, and Halloween is so much fun with children. Being the Primary President and having Sunday right after Halloween isn't as fun- sugar crazy kids. I still love them though too. :) 

We have started our Thankful Jar for November and I am working on organizing a large part of the Ward Christmas Party along with regular Primary duties and beautiful little girls. Let's just say I am offering up a lot of prayers to the Lord for his help in balancing all of these demands. It is hard, but I just keep trying and I can testify that God is very good. 

Justin and Ruth Blazzard