4 Months

 This little girl was 4 months old on Monday. I am so happy and sad at the same time. I feel that motherhood is full of these directly conflicting feelings. You love these little babies with your whole heart, but are so exhausted at the same time that all you want to do is squeeze them and play with them, but you also just want them to go to sleep. Or in her case I am so happy she is growing, doing well and not as dependent as she once was, but oh how I miss the tiny, sweet, delicateness of the newborns. I just try to enjoy and soak each stage in as much as I can and accept that it is ok to have both feelings at the same time.

J is a big baby. We go to the doctor tomorrow and will find out just how big she is.  (Update she was 16 lbs. 14 oz, and in the 99% for height and 93% for her head) She currently wears 6-9 month clothes. She is still nursing. I feel like this is a huge accomplishment for both of us. Natalie weaned herself about this age because I had a low milk supply and J had to use a shield for the first 8 weeks. Because of my history and for the first little while with J, I was worried we weren't going to make it, but perseverance has paid off along with herbal supplements, and focusing on where I am at in life has helped us make it this far. I hope to continue for a year.

 J loves dad, Natalie, but mostly mom. She is really working on trying to pull herself up to a sitting position. She hasn't been able to roll over yet, mostly due I believe to her being such a big girl. She is very smart and still ceases to amaze me with her ability to communicate her needs and wants along with understanding what we are saying. She does pretty well with others holding her until she gets tired. Then she is DONE! She is always ready for bed every night by 7 p.m. if not earlier. She still loves her bath's and is pretty wild in the water with kicking and splashing around.

 She still wakes up to eat at night, but goes right back to sleep. Sometime is she wakes up at 4 a.m. and needs her diaper changed, she gets confused and thinks it is wakeup time for the whole day. This has only happened a handful or less of times, but very frustrating when it does. She has had a few nights where she has slept 6 hour stretches. These are wonderful, but rare.

 She has the best smile and loves to laugh and talk. She is not a huge fan of tummy time but tolerates it. Her favorite thing is to lay under her play mat and try to grab the dangling animals. She is also into grabbing your arm when you change her diaper.

 One unique thing about her that we have been struggling with is her head shape. J was born with torticollis and would constantly end up lying with her head one way every time she was laid down. Not being aware of how severe this was and having a hard time healing myself/nursing/not sleeping/ adjusting to having two children/ being Primary President, I didn't take the proper preventative measures for J's head. Thus a pretty severe flat spot developed on her right side. We have been working the last couple of months diligently on getting her up off her head, positioning her on the opposite side at night and during naps, ordering and using a very expensive medical supply baby pillow to relieve the pressure, and seeing a chiropractor twice a week for the last five weeks for craniosachral therapy. While all of it has helped some, I don't know if it will be enough to prevent the helmet. Tomorrow we will see what her pediatrician says and then reevaluate from there.

If she has to wear it, I will be a little sad and feel bad for her, but truly it is such a minor thing compared to what many deal with. I am grateful that there is medical technology out there to help us correct this minor bump in her development path. It has been very stressful for me for the last two months worrying, researching, positioning her, thinking about it, looking at it and praying about it. I am ready to hear from the doctor what we do now.

 

It is going to be so interesting to see J's personality continue to emerge. She seems to know what she wants out of life already. I love this sweet dark haired baby and am so grateful everyday even at 2:30 in the morning that she is mine. She is incredible and perfect. Here's to 4 months with her and many more to come!

Justin and Ruth Blazzard